200lb Princess

Tomorrow, September 1st, there will be a change… a BIG change.

Just warning you.

This time, I will be defying gravity!

- 200lb Princess

I can’t believe how much has changed since the last time I blogged. Would you like the long or the short version? Let’s go with the short version, it’s much simpler.

1. As of 7/12/2011, I am divorced. Twenty-six years of age and divorced. Yes, I did just get married on 5/15/2010, and no – I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not one to cry over spilled milk. I am just going to move on with my life.

2. I’m still fat. Big surprise, right? After a trip to San Francisco that I just got back from, I might even be back up to 210, or possibly even heavier.

3. Tonight I watched something that has at least momentarily changed my life. “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead” is a documentary about a guy (Joe Cross) who is rather overweight, starts a juice fast, and ends up losing almost 100 lbs. Another guy in the film sees the first guy’s success, starts a juice fast himself, and ends up losing 202 lbs! My thought after watching said documentary was “Crap, if these two men who are much larger than I am can lose weight, so can I!”. So, while the credits were rolling, I looked up juice extractors on Target.com, and decided on a juice extractor to purchase. So, yes… at 9:30 pm on 7/19/11 I drove to Target to purchase said juice extractor. Unfortunately for me, not only did they not have the extractor that their website said that they had in stock, but they didn’t even have that specific extractor in the store at all. So, this self-proclaimed “Wal-Mart Hater” had to travel across the road to Wal-Mart, where there was one left of the exact make and model juice extractor that I desired to purchase. *le sigh*

3. Tomorrow I’m starting something absolutely insane – a juice fast. It will NOT be easy. I don’t expect it to be easy. I expect it to be very difficult, and I expect to feel like giving up about a hundred times. How long do I plan on doing the initial “only juice” portion? I’m not quite sure. The two guys in the documentary did it for 61 days, so I might do 61 days. Or, after 31 days I might decide to put away my straw, and start “healthy eating”. Or, I might decide to just do the 5 day or 10 day juice fast that the website of the documentary suggests. I’m leaving it open so that if I change my mind, I don’t feel like a failure.

4. I had joined a gym that my friend Kim belongs to. Unfortunately some crazy hours at work have me never going to said gym, and I’m going to cancel my membership. Don’t worry, I plan on getting plenty of exercise. I even purchased a Groupon for this IB Barre class (a ballet inspired workout class) in Orlando. I plan on going every Saturday for 6 weeks starting this Saturday, 7/23. I plan on walking/running/doing workout DVDs most of the time, and then finding Groupons for awesome workout classes like the IB Barre class.

I know that thus far I have stuck with nothing for any considerable length of time. When 184 lbs (the lowest I reached while in Weight Watchers last year) seems like a faraway dream, you know that something must be done. I guess being newly divorced helps as well. I need to put the focus back on myself, and get myself to where I am happy. Being thinner will also help with being single again (let me tell you – I detest being single because I LOATHE dating).

So, I think you’re pretty much caught up. Tomorrow I am going to post all of my statistics starting this juice fast thing – pictures of my fat self in a bikini, measurements, weight, etc. I’ll also show you pictures of me juicing, and inform you of what I juiced, and how gross it potentially tastes.

When life gives you lemons… juice them!

- 200lb Princess

I’m giving myself a clean slate for 2011. I am not going to beat myself up over previous weight-loss failures. I’m not going to think about how at the Doctor’s office on 12/28/2010, I weighed in at 210.8 (the heaviest I’ve ever weighed my entire life). I will not think about the fact that I jumped off of the Weight Watchers band wagon, and am now paying money each week for something that I’m not following/using. I refuse to think about all of the weight loss DVDs/contraptions that I’ve spent money on over the years.

What if for 2011, I take a more simplistic approach. What if instead of all of my worrying/thinking/fretting about food and how fat I am, I just let myself “be”. I am already aware of the vicious cycle of eating because I’m depressed/lonely, then becoming fatter, then becoming more depressed, then eating more – and I’m done with it. I was looking through the professional photos from my wedding a moment ago, and it just shocks and amazes me how big I was. I’m not that big in my mind’s eye, and I don’t want to be that big. Then I think about the fact that I currently weigh more than I did at my wedding. Whereas my first thought is “how depressing”, I will no longer take a defeatist mentality towards my size. I control what makes it from my hand to my mouth, and I can control how small/big I am.

The other day I ate lunch with two friends from my college days. We ate at this sandwich shop that I had heard about, and were having a great time reminiscing about the “glory days”. The plate for my sandwich was comprised of a beautiful salad, and the sandwich, cut in half. As I’m chowing down on the sandwich (I ate the salad too), I watched as my friend Brooke barely ate half of her sandwich. Now, Brooke is thin. I am fat. Brooke ate barely half of her sandwich. I ate my entire sandwich, and most of my salad (in order to say that I ate vegetables that day). So, after the sandwich shop, we went to Pinkberry (frozen yogurt – possibly my favorite food EVER). At Pinkberry, Brooke ordered a Mini sized frozen yogurt. I ordered a Small. That might not sound like such a big deal, unless you’ve seen the size difference at Pinkberry between a Mini and a Small (a Small is about 2-3 times larger a serving than a Mini). I justified eating not one, but two Smalls in the span of 3-4 hours, by convincing myself that the closest Pinkberry is over an hour away from me, and that I hardly ever go there. I’m done with justifying my overeating to myself.

2011 is poised to be a great year in my life, if I let it. If I let go. If I just let myself “be”. If I realize that I really can eat anything that I want, so long as I practice moderation. If I realize that there is absolutely no justification logical enough to warrant how much excess food I have put into my body.

I will no longer stand in the way of my own happiness.

- 210.8lb Princess